i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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