I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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