I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
