I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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