I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Houston, we have a squirter
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
