He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
