It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
