Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
