I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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