guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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