i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
