HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
