I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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