i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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