For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
