you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize