You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
