Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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