she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
