Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
