yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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