Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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