I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry