That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
