Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"

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  (404): its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock" http://tfl.nu/i9yu
  Replies (28) Good night (2811) Bad night (589)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

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  (608): i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest. http://tfl.nu/jvc2
  Replies (68) Good night (3321) Bad night (645)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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  (205): what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/58rl
  Replies (38) Good night (742) Bad night (2979)
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  (516): View more from New York

  so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.

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  (516): so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool. http://tfl.nu/00u1
  Replies (25) Good night (1545) Bad night (5371)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

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  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6633) Bad night (1154)
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  (562): View more from California

  We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

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  (562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8
  Replies (25) Good night (5409) Bad night (1300)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.

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  (469): Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way. http://tfl.nu/w8yo
  Replies (23) Good night (946) Bad night (5353)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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  (803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together... http://tfl.nu/duna
  Replies (76) Good night (2388) Bad night (6795)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic

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  (202): I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic http://tfl.nu/pd64
  Replies (12) Good night (1424) Bad night (4395)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.

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  (716): i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing. http://tfl.nu/i263
  Replies (10) Good night (3242) Bad night (921)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4598) Bad night (927)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.

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  (270): He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in. http://tfl.nu/fxk7
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (3272)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.

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  (603): I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband. http://tfl.nu/f6ah
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (1619)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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  (574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85
  Replies (7) Good night (389) Bad night (1379)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.

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  (210): Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE. http://tfl.nu/t6ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1154) Bad night (358)

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