I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life