I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again