Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

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(301): roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away. http://tfl.nu/4epj

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(254): View more from Texas

When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery

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(254): When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery http://tfl.nu/move

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(641): View more from Iowa

FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

(1-641): View more from Iowa

STOP listening to that song

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(641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?

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(412): Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween? http://tfl.nu/zwxr

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(206): View more from Washington

I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

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(206): I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed. http://tfl.nu/hhhb

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(+33): View more from France

Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee

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(+33): Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee http://tfl.nu/uze3

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(251): View more from Alabama

Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?

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(251): Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"? http://tfl.nu/ubao

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(859): View more from Kentucky

She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

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(859): She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times. http://tfl.nu/xxc1

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(720): View more from Colorado

I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.

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(720): I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else. http://tfl.nu/ss1v

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(678): View more from Georgia

I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.

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(678): I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/j7y2

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(214): View more from Texas

She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter

(214): View more from Texas

Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.

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(214): She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter (214): Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous. http://tfl.nu/a0w0

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(941): View more from Florida

So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic

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(941): So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic http://tfl.nu/vgkg

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(613): View more from Ontario

hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.

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(613): hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday. http://tfl.nu/nmap

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(775): View more from Nevada

What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

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(775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn

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(204): View more from Manitoba

i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks

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(204): i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks http://tfl.nu/udr3

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