Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
