Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me