your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
