I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
