Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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