There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
