Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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