Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
