You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
