At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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