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we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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