he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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