so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
