I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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