What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
