We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
