I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
