I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
