I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
