I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
