Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
