and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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