I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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