3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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