just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
