Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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