I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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