Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
