I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
