What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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