I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize