I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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