hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
