someone owes me an orgasm
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The power of my boobs compel you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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