she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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