Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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