I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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