ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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