i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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