I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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