I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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