i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
