so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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