I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
