dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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