her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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