I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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